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Joke Home > Drinking / Bar Jokes > Beer Help

Beer Help

Total Views: 5,788 Last Updated: 11/4/2006 Number Votes: 831 | Average: 0.04

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.  FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.  ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.  FAULT: Improper bladder control.  ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.  FAULT: Glass empty.  ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.  FAULT: You have fallen over backward.  ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.    SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.  FAULT: You have fallen forward.  ACTION: See above.    SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.  FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.  ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.  FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.  ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.    SYMPTOM: Floor moving.  FAULT: You are being carried out.  ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.    SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.  FAULT: Bar has closed.  ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.    SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.  FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.  ACTION: Cover mouth.    SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.  FAULT: You are dancing on the table.  ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.    SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.  FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.  ACTION: Punch him.    SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.  FAULT: You have been in a fight.  ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.    SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.  FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.  ACTION: See if they have free beer.    SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.  FAULT: The beer is too weak.  ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.    SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.  FAULT: Beer is just right.  ACTION: Play air guitar.

Thanks to Zippy Pinhead for this joke. 

Drinking / Bar Jokes > Joke 12 of 140 in the Drinking / Bar Jokes category.
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