10) Pretend you don't speak English.
9) Say "Hold on," then scream to a nonexistent person: "If you try to take the knife out, it'll just hurt worse!"
8) Burst into tears when money is mentioned.
7) Ask if the deal is good for all your personalities.
6) Tell them you'll accept their offer if they can guess your color of underwear.
5) Repeat everything they say in the form of a question.
4) As soon as they identify themselves, say, "You guys are still in business? Well, I guess the bomb has another 30 seconds."
3) Tell them the restraining order applies to phone calls as well as physical distance.
2) Mutter: "Aww, damn. Not another one. The last Jehovah's Witness almost got me the death penalty."
1) HANG UP THE DARN PHONE!